You did not just play the dead husband card again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
