i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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