I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
