are you so shy because you have an std?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize