I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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