shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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