I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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