come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Even my vagina gasped.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
