I am spending my child support on dildos
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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