we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
