I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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