So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
