We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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