ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
