You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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