Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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