Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
