just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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