Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
