Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
