btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
