Whod you bang
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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