If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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