apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
