K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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