would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
