Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
