I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My penis needs a shock collar
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize