Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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