we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
