I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
