It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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