Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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