You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
