remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
