I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
