Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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