Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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