everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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