We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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