Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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