And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
