i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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