I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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