ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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