Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
