Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
