so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
