worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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