Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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