Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
