The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
