In America we eat man semen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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