i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
