lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
