Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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