i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
