i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
