just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
