My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
