dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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