I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
