you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
