An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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