Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
