Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
