So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
