morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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