I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize