I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
