tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize