That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
