Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
