Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
