Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
